Green Day and Finals

I'm having trouble trying to sleep. 

I have been awake for 48 hours.

I'm counting sheep but running out. 

I don't remember what emotions feel like. 

As time ticks by…

My brain is running solely on caffeine and song lyrics.

And still I try…

My eyes have run out of saliva.

No rest for cross tops in my mind.

What's my name?

On my own, here we go. 

~

Exhaustion. Dead weight. Heavy eyelids that are glued open. A caffeinated haze. An empty, angry stomach. A hollow skull. The need of escape.

When I get this tired and this exhausted I start getting more reckless than usual. I start tripping and accidentally banging into desks and the idea of dropping acid becomes more and more appealing. Stress and responsibilities bash in my personality until I am a mindless lemming ready to run off the edge of my mind.

I'm jittery and just wish I had the ability to sit still. The capacity to rest. But I don't. I can't stop just yet. 

I can't even find the motivation anymore. Instead of doing my work I'm sitting here, pouring out my disjointed thoughts and broken mind. I'm bleeding out all over the tile. 

~

I've lost it. I've spent the past hour dancing on top of lab tables in the zoology department because I primarily hang out with science majors who all want to be doctors or researchers. I'm drawn to their jargon that's so unfamiliar to me. I'm drawn to the intellect that is so foreign to me. I'm drawn to the strange world of cells that they live in. I'm drawn to the giant speakers in the lab that hooks up to my Mac. 

I'm manic. I've lost it. I'm riding an adrenaline high that's making me sick. 

I am fucking sick.

…I've been staring at the white board for a full 10 minutes. 

This must sound insane to you, my darling reader. Well, truth is that it's true. 

I am crazy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy after all. 

This is Desperation.

~

Things I'm thankful for today:

1. Caffeine

2. Lab tables

3. Thug music